Everywhere I look lately women everywhere seem to be pregnant. Working in a clothes store i must notice this alot more with pregnant women coming in and buying their yet to arrive bundle of joy clothes, and also the parents shopping for their little ones who are all snuggled up in their pram.
You turn on facebook and theres people declaring they are expecting with their first scan photo turning into their profile picture.
I would probaly have not taken any of this in if it hadnt of been for my reocurring brodyness that has appeared over the last couple of months, and due to this all i think i when will it be my turn and why is that not me.
I suppose it all started when one of my friends had their little girl 7 months ago, and spending time with her bundle of joy, holding her in my arms but also seeing how much she had effected my friends life that she now has a piece of her to look after, which i think is amazing.
My other friend then had a baby boy and I have also now got a 2 month old niece.
I have always had a plan since being with James i thought we would buy a house within the next year, i would get engaged by the time i was 22 be married by the time i was 24 and start to make a family by 25. Therefore i didnt even think i would want children for another 4 years, but since spending time with all these babies all i can think of is i want one.
But is my brodyness just my emotions due to spending so much time with babies or is my body really saying i want a baby, and if that wasnt enough to think about am i really ready to have a child of my own.
I feel like i could become a mum now, looking after someone we created, watching them grow and become their own person, but then theres the thoughts that they will change your life for ever- lack of sleep, not being able to do things in your own time and that there is someone depending on you all the time.
But am i too young to be feeling like this, i know my friends are the same age and have children but am i too young to be feeling as brody as i am, that it is effecting my emotions meaning i cry at times for no reason, and babies are always on my mind.
Im not someone who judges women for having children at a young age, as they have so much to deal with and therefore i admire them for what they do.
What i dont understand is why people judge others when they dont no that person. When shopping with my friends and their babys i often push the pram and the amount of stares we get for being young and with babies. But infact we are 21, a full adult, and when we was born our parents were 21-22 and so twenty years ago it was the norm, and there was no one being judged.
I thought i might be able to but the feelings at bay by watching One Born Every Minute a documentary on channel 4, following expectant mothers in their stages of child birth. There i was watching these women screaming in pain, asking for gas, air and drugs to stop the pain but at the end of it seeing the baby in their arms all i could think of was it was worth all the pain in the end so even that put the feelings at bay.
I think i just have to get used to my emotions now, and work out how i really feel and what i want for the future, and for now enjoying being an Auntie.
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